Death by Deadma

I was having an interesting conversation with the hubby a few nights ago and the topic was about how we react to certain situations. He then mentioned the phrase: "death by deadma" and I found it really funny -- particularly if you are familiar with the "bunda" joke.

Deadma, for those who are not Filipinos or for those who may not be familiar with what it means, is a short cut for "dead malice" or what we call in the vernacular as "patay malisya." It just means that something or someone is being ignored. So if someone says something which may be quite negative (it does not have to be always negative) and you don't react and act as if nothing happened or nothing was actually said, then your reaction can be called "deadma."

Through the years, I have learned, that there are very few things in life worth fussing over. In my younger days (like maybe a year ago), it has always been my nature to speak out my mind, contradict every opinion or statement that I may not agree with, and say my piece. These days though, I don't find myself "reacting as much" as I feel that there are far better things to do. Life is too short for it to be taken too seriously.

I have also learned that if at times you keep quiet, things just die a natural death. Death by deadma. Issues don't escalate. Feelings don't get hurt. You don't say or write things that you can't take back. Of course, the challenge here lies in deciding which matters need your attention and which things you can just gloss over.

In dealing with people sometimes, it is good to always try and see things from the other person's point of view. Someone once told me, "pag naiinis ka, bigyan mo na ng dahilan." ("When someone irritates you, you be the one to make up a reason for that person.") Give the other person an excuse. Try to be more understanding. I know it is hard to do sometimes but keeping this in mind can keep us from being rude, or judgemental, or too focused on ourselves.

So, in life, choose to mull over the things that matter -- like family, health, and faith. Everything else is just not as important. Other things and events may disappoint us or infuriate us but will these things matter 100 years from now?

[By Angelica Viloria | Sunday, August 12, 2007]


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